Guy logic

I was thinking how much I love the way guys think at times. That however much glory we could bring to the world through inventing things that make everybody's life better, sometimes we just get sidetracked.
Take the man who invented the titty fuck, or tit wank, if you will. This is a man who looked at breasts - one of man's favourite things in the world (yes, even a lot of gay men love them) - and said 'you know what...these aren't doing enough for me.'
He looked at them from every conceivable angle, placed his hands on the outside of each and gently pushed them together, enhancing the cleavage, and...suddenly...a lightbulb appeared above his head.
"I'm gonna fuck 'em. I'm just gonna slide my dick right on in there."

"What's in it for her?" asked his scientific friend.

"What do you mean?" responded the man, clearly seeing this as a ridiculous notion.

It's great though...us men are programmed to want to fuck anything we can. It's evolution people, don't get upset by it. This is just a by-product of what makes us the greatest creatures living on earth. So stop your whining girls!

Men will fuck anything though. The titwank is proof of this, but is by no means the most extreme case. Teenagers particularly will look for anything that half-resembles a vagina and will happily shove their cock into it. I mean look at American Pie. I suppose that's warm and wet but surely it doesn't grip you right. Not having tried it myself.

I think food products are probably the most common, as boys look at them and see flesh, and at that age that's all it takes, you're ready to go. You look over one shoulder, over the other, then hastily retreat to your bedroom with a tin of spam.

I'd love to throw it open to the room to find out what the weirdest thing you've fucked is, but I'm a bit scared of the answers I might get.

For me, the internet made it worse. I was hitting my sexual awakening when the internet was in its infancy, yeah dial-up baby! When signing on sounded like a ZX spectrum having an orgasm.

Well the internet doesn't make it better. It just allows you access to what is basically the whole world's 'dick in the playground with an idea'. You can read what they've all written. And give it a go. They wax lyrical about this shit, professing it to be "just like the real thing". Bollocks is it. I'll tell you from personal experience that fucking a rubber armband sandwiched between two sofa cushions is NOTHING like a fucking vagina! It's useless! And at the end of the day, you're fucking furniture. You're slamming a sofa. Cumming in a couch. It's no way to live.