Anger

Well now I'm going to try and list a few things that make me angry so I can hopefully turn them into comedy. Yeah, I'm like Midas, in that in trying to turn all that I hate into gold, I'll probably ruin my life and everyone I love's too.

So...people. I just hate people. Not an individual person, they can be (not always) alright. Great, even. With the right breasts.
But crowds, dear god they're annoying. Why is it that when you need to be somewhere, a silent alert goes out across the area telling everyone with a spare second or two on their hands to get in your way by whatever means possible?
That old lady who insists on just spinning on the spot in front of you, then has the temerity to give you a look that says: "How dare you walk close to me, you sick fuck." It's not my fault that you can't walk past a window with anything knitted in it without stopping to regale Doris with everything related to it that you can gleam from the last 60 years of your life. "Oh the weave on that jumper reminds me of a weekend Derek and I spent in Skegness in 1962...no, wait...61....no 62..." OH FUCK OFF AND GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!

Or the idiots that believe advertising talk. Yeah, you know who you are. Well maybe you don't, such is your level of transparent idiocy. "Oh but this is chock-full of pro-youthitude and anti-age-isols so it's got to be good." You prick.

And fucking Whole Grain. Seriously, who decided that we needed the whole grain? And why does everyone think it's good for us?

Because it's surrounded by that lovely green bar on the top of the cereal box, right? The rest of the grain could contain AIDS for all we know, but if you advertise it with green we'll gobble that shit up.

There's never been anything to say that we need it. I mean, hell, why did we remove that part of the grain to begin with? Surely there was a reason. It can't have been cheaper to remove it.

Was it part of some genius "New Coke" style ploy to rope us all in long-term, or was it purely shit that we don't need, that we're now being sold as if without it, lepracy will take us all and the robots will reign?

And they're always backed-up with lies, damned lies and statistics such as: "People who eat whole grain as part of a calorie-controlled diet are less likely to die of being a big fat fatty." Yeah no shit Sherlock! People who eat lard as part of a calorie-controlled diet are less likely to die that way. That's why it's called CALORIE-CONTROLLED, dickwad. These are healthy people. If you take a poll of tubby fuckers I'm sure you'll get some pretty damning statistics if you ask the right questions.
It's a chicken-egg thing that advertisers use to dupe fucking morons.

It's like saying: "