Hunt for Henry

Yeah ok sorry about the delay with the latest post. I can almost hear your breath being baited from here. By some sort of respiratory fisherman, with maggots of anticipation. Well, I don't have internet at home any more and I've been a bit busy in work. I do only mean a bit, but for some reason I've still avoided talking to you all. Maybe it's because I have to do all the work - seriously, put your back into it, people! I just rant and rant and...nothing! You're all crap friends...

So what's been happening? The new house is now coming together really nicely. I have a fully working bed, which is always a lovely novelty, and the little details are being hammered out. You know, once we get a hoover. We're three lads, do you really think the urge to hoover is so great that we will rush out of the house and immediately begin a Worcester-wide Hunt for Henry? No. We sit down and have a beer. Because that's what men do. Or so I've deduced from watching Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl.

Actually TV is the most fun part of my life right now, and that's not sad STOP SAYING IT'S SAD! mainly because of one show that if you know me, you'll know I'm becoming more and more obsessed with week by week. The genius that is...Breaking Motherfucking Bad. Motherfucker. Seriously, it's almost painfully good. If any of you reading this have not seen it, just sort it out, and I do mean before you read the rest of this post. But then come back, 'cos else I'll be all lonely. And lonely Dan doesn't post funny blogs. He posts blogs about how girls hurt him and all that jazz. God, that guy is annoying.

Along with BB, there are some other TV points I'd like to address. Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but to be honest, if I am it is not without good reason. The Newsroom, first of all. Or as I like to think of it, NEW WEST WING! But, like, sort of, not anything to do with the White House. It's smart, funny, dramatic, at times both weighty and light, and because it's written by Modern Day Shakespeare himself (copyright pending) Aaron Sorkin, the dialogue is so packed with genius that an hour-long episode contains enough zingers to make a tower of Tower Burgers.

Community is coming back and I'm getting more excited by it by the day - any fans of the show should check out this awesome Q&A thing on Reddit (yeah I don't know what it is either but I'm 28 now so give me five years and I'll catch up - just as the kids move on) that creator Dan Harmon did. He's recently been fired as the showrunner, which results in some interesting questions and, more surprisingly, honest, open answers from the big beard god of American sitcoms. Here's the link: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/yne9x/i_am_dan_harmon_creator_of_community_writer_of/

Oh yeah watch Workaholics. It's fucking funny. That's all I'll say on that one for now, but seriously, fucking funny people. Enjoy.

What else have I been watching? Well, I've actually got back into wrestling. At the age of 28. Cos I realised that the geeky stuff I was watching before wasn't getting me chicks and I had to remedy the situation. Consider it done. They're flocking now, attempting to break down the door of the house, in what can only be described as Beatlemania-esque behaviour. But I am enjoying it - it's by turns brilliant (CM Punk and everything he does) and hilarious thanks to sub-Hollyoaks levels of dialogue and acting. In fact, merge those two programmes together and you might improve them both. I'd quite like to see the cast of Hollyoaks battered and beaten, even in a fake way. If any of you want to know why I like wrestling, there's one match I can point you to. No Mercy, 1999. Edge and Christian Vs The Hardy Boyz in a tag team ladder match. Thanks to the magic of the internet, you can watch it right now, so, you know, do that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiYFALkiZB8

Aside from TV, my Scott Pilgrim obsession doesn't appear to be dwindling. I'm desperate for my Sex Bob-omb tattoo and I've just got hold of the new hardback colour edition of the first book, which is just lovely. Really lovely. I've not started reading it yet because it just looks so damn pretty that touching it with my dirty paws just seems like it would sully the loveliness.

I should probably have an angry rant, right? Any of the long-time readers of this (hey there, my family!) will probably attest that I'm funniest when angry. So what is there? Well my boss is annoying me. He has this awesome way with words, that just fills you with a sense of glee and achievement that can't help but motivate you to succeed on a daily basis. You know I mentioned all that hard work I'd done on my lab? Making it function and look great, sweating and straining and drilling and 'illin' (alright so I couldn't think of something else and wanted just for a minute to pretend I was a rapper ok?!). Yeah well my boss comes back from holiday, inspects my handiwork, and mentions to one of my colleagues "almost looks professional, doesn't it?". GOD DAMMIT! Why add the extra word? He has this uncanny knack of taking a nice sentiment and adding just enough moronic lack of empathy to take it over to just being a little bit insulting. Just what you want in a manager.

Random thoughts this week:

• Summerslam was fun
• Holding my laptop over my head on the balcony to get wi-fi reception from the pub just to download Summerslam...not so much
• People at work don't get my sense of humour. Either that or I'm not that funny. So definitely the first one. Shut up.
• I still think it's better to make a bad joke than not make a joke at all
• I'd quite like Alison Pill to be my wife
• I don't like having to carry an umbrella AND sunglasses to work because Mother Nature seems to be going through the menopause and is having mood swings
• I am actually messy. It's been confirmed. Oh well
• I want to get into playing my bass...so I can become Scott Pilgrim and find my Ramona. Not sure Andy is up to being Wallace Wells though, which kinda sucks.

I think that's enough for right now, because to be honest, not a huge amount has been happening to me of late so to continue would probably just leave you wanting to claw your own eyes out of your heads in boredom. That's probably not what would actually happen though is it? I mean that's an extreme way to avoid a blog. You'd probably just stop reading it, go back on Facebook and look at pictures of kittens cuddling tortoises, or whatever shit meme you think makes you quirky and unique.

I'll save the Facebollocks talk for next time. Feedback is always appreciated - just a 'like' makes me feel like this whole time sat on my own siphoning my brain into yours has been worthwhile. If you made it this far without kittens, I salute and thank you.

"...but I like being lazy!"

Alright let's do this...

So this week has been interesting, so say the least. Last weekend was meant to be a cleaning/tidying/whatever around the new house, carpet cleaning and all that jazz. Instead, Steve's initial plan for "a quick pint at the King's Head" (our new local) quickly deteriorated into lots of pints, far too much money, and a bitch of a hangover on Saturday. Hence, no cleaning. It's ok though right, you've still got Sunday. Yeah there's me waiting in on Saturday night after Steve calls and says he'll pick me up on his way back from go-karting to go and watch The Raid over his. Sound, that'll be a nice chilled night, leaving us fully energised for tomorrow. Nope. I got a call at 3am saying he was drunk and not even home yet, and another at 9 to tell me he was on his way home. Well I wasn't about to do it all on my own, so I stayed in bed most of Sunday and watched Curb Your Enthusiasm. Much better.

Then Monday happened. Oh, Monday, you little bitch of a day, you. It's hard enough already, us working folks will testify, to deal with work on a Monday morning, let alone a text argument. I received a shitty text at like 11am from my flatmate, followed by a shittier one after my brief reply. All about washing up. I'm not gonna berate him by blog - that's cowardly and I'm not a fully innocent part in this, I'm generally a fairly useless person - but I just couldn't handle it anymore. With all the anal cleanliness (I hope you know I'm talking about someone being anal ABOUT cleanliness, not that he had very stringent rules on how clean bumholes should be - well ok I've never asked him but that never came up during the living arrangement), the generally not clicking socially, missing all my friends, still not feeling like I had a home, and having to shell out 800 fucking quid on rent and deposits this month, it was just too much for me.

So Dave at work (legend) drove me over to the flat, I packed up all my stuff, dumped it in the back of his car and drove it over to the new place, all within Monday's work lunch hour. Maybe over the top, but I just couldn't stay there anymore. I was honestly on the verge of tears just through being overwhelmed with shit. So...long story short, I now live at the new place. With no bed lol. Well ok the bed is coming, I have been assured despite being banned from my former residence, and after this weekend everything should be gravy.

Parallel to all this, I've torn my lab asunder. That is, I've split it between two rooms, one down the hall from where I've been. Which is great - I've had less than too little room for the last four months - but it was a grand ol' effort getting it in. It gave me a chance to be a man though, and I'm always grateful for that. Honestly, you've never seen someone so secretly chuffed that a tyre has punctured than me cos I know I'll be telling people the tale of my oily hands and being gruff and full of testosterone at the roadside.

So basically I spent Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday at work hauling cabinets and workbenches and shit around, drilling holes in walls etc, and Monday onwards after work doing basically the same shit at home. I was exhausted. Seriously though, I lost so much water weight on Monday through sweating that I looked FIT by bedtime :P

It's been fucking knackering, but it will be worth it, now that some painting has been done, holes in the walls filled, carpets cleaned and crap thrown away. Mostly by us, even though we're paying rent every ruddy month. Grr, old ladies can be so lazy, can't they?! PLUS - no internet for FOUR TO SIX WEEKS! God damn! How am I gonna survive that? I'll tell you how - I'm gonna walk to the end of the balcony with my laptop and steal wifi from the pub we overlook. That's what I'm gonna do. Even if it's shit. I still win!

I realise this hasn't been hilarious, but it's caught you all up on my busy week and hopefully explains why I'm too mentally and physically exhausted to be able to manufacture jokes in the factory of funny that is my brain. You'll live with it. Because you don't have a choice - if you're reading this bit, you've already suffered through the crap and I win again! haha! Sucker :P

I'll think of something funny to chat about soon, and I'll try to get some photos of the new place up when it's shiny and lovely :)